Once Upon a Dream/Vision

It's not unusual for me to have odd dreams, ones that involve confrontation or strange worlds. Sometimes I even have good dreams that are almost romantic. Last night, when laying in the dark and listening to soothing music I drifted between the worlds of waking and dreaming. As I did I saw something pretty incredible.

It started out like a movie. A young couple, a girl in a white patterned dress with puffy short sleeves and a locket and long brown hair, and a boy in trousers and a white t-shirt and short dark hair. They were both in a golden field of wheat, the boy sitting with his right hand holding himself up and his left hand on the back of the girl's head who was perched over him. It zoomed in on this scene and went around them with the sky looking just bright white with the "camera" lens flaring around them due to all the brightness. Then from the side, there came an ocean as dark and as beautiful as sapphires. It brought with it a grayer cloudy sky, and it's wave suddenly crashed over the couple. Then the wave suddenly went back in, like the tide, leaving the girl in the wheat but taking the boy in the water.Somehow both were perfectly dry, and they grabbed hands. In both worlds, one of cool blues and another of bright golds, they both ran. Her over hills in the fields of wheat and him on top of the water and over swells of waves. It was incredibly beautiful and just amazing to behold. It became almost a dance, and he eventually pulled her over into his side and they continued this for a while until they both tumbled back out into the wheat, him landing on his back and her landing on top of him. They panted for a minute as they looked into each-other's eyes and then went back to kissing like they had before.

I'm not entirely sure if that means anything, only that I would love to draw or paint it but I know my abilities will not be able to capture this scene.

I'm also not going to say that they were two random people. It kind of changed as the scene went on. My mind changed who they were throughout the kissing and dancing. But needless to say it was amazing.

Updating

So let's face it. I'm probably never going to be a good blogger, I just never keep up with it. I think I'd have to feel like I was doing something worth writing about to write here regularly... but past that, I'm proud of myself. Why? Because I only have 3 pages left in the diary I started at the end of January. That's like the first diary I've actually kept up with and filled since... I was like 14 or 15 or something. And okay, so there are doodles in there, and it's not exactly first class writing (in any shape or form) but I am proud regardless. I'm not so proud that the last time I wrote in here was August 2010 and it's almost June 2011, but that just goes back to my lack of blogging skills.

So lets update my life, shall we?

I have stayed in the High School group, now called Intrepid Generation, and I'm now an official leader. We meet at Greg's house we all helped him move into in September. It's perfect for youth groups, it has a big den with couches, a huge tv and the latest game consoles, speakers, mics, amps, and an electric drum kit for a sweet inside band setup.There's also a pool which just got remodeled with black tiles, and an above-ground jacuzzi. And of course there are always lots of snacks on the island in his kitchen we can all gather around before and after group. Last time I wrote I talked about the Summer Retreat in Big Bear, and now just last month we were in Forrest Home for the Winter Retreat! My best friend Alexandra doesn't come anymore, her mom decided that our church wasn't the best fit for their family (and right after The Summer Retreat too), so thats too bad, but I still talk to her a lot and try and hang with her most weekends.

I help with different things once a month at church like greeting, the kids room on Sunday nights, or the preschoolers Sunday morning and I still go to the college group, Relentless, on Tuesday nights which is a lot of fun, so I guess you could say my life revolves a lot around The River, and it does.

As far as school goes, I've had a pretty light schoolyear. I finished up my graduating requirements by taking a Creative Writing class and a Photography class at GWC this fall, as well as taking Mrs. Frassett's Modern History With Art class throughout the year. This spring I've taken that as well as an Applied Digital Arts class (really more of a behind-the-scenes tech class) and Psych 100.

I'm looking forward to having more to do. Now I just have to decide what exactly that is that I intend to do. I have been taking career counseling with a woman from my church, so hopefully that will help me make my decision. I've wanted to travel and do something like YWAM for a while now, so I'm trying to decide if the timing is right to do it this fall or if I should just take a full school schedule at GWC instead and stay. Also, The River is looking into getting it's own building and uniting with another church. That will bring changes, mostly good ones, but I'm afraid that I'll leave and come back with everything different and with everyone having already moved on and that I won't fit there anymore. I know that sounds kinda dumb, but it's not entirely implausible.


As far as the crush I hinted at the last time I wrote, well, that kind of imploded, again. I'm just as single as I was then, that didn't change at all. The thing is, I'm still trying to find myself, so maybe it is better that I'm not dating anyone. Because what if I was, and I found myself, and he didn't like me anymore?

Obviously, confidence is something I need to work on, as per usual. I do believe I've grown in it a lot since I was a shy teen, but I still have a long way to go.

Oh, and here's a collage of a some of the doodles I did in my journal.