Writing in my Blog

Every now and then I ask myself, "Why do I write?"

"Because, you're a writer," I'll answer myself.

"Not a very good one," I'll then say.

"Well of course not," I'll remind myself. "Not yet anyway. Now write already."

I often talk to myself aloud, mostly when I think I'm alone. It might help me think, or it might prove that I'm crazy. Either way, here I am writing, just like I told myself to do.

Now, I was given this assignment from Jamie, the wife of the high school group pastor. Jamie asked me to help her write and illustrate something and I agreed to it excited at the opportunity. I started it, and then doubted myself. I sent her what I had started and she expressed that she had great confidence in me and my ability and wanted me to finish it. I don't have a deadline for it. It's just there. In my computer, in my mind. Waiting.

I admit I've been dragging my feet about it. Perhaps I'm afraid that the final result won't be good, and that everyone will pretend like it is. I can't stand the thought of that. Or perhaps I'm just lazy. Either way, it remains, 75% of the written part done, and only general sketches done for the illustration.

I think the illustrating part scares me the most. Not that I have great confidence in myself as a writer, but that I have even less confidence in myself as an artist. I know that art is subjective. Some of the most simply and crudely done pieces have been "Oooh"ed and "Aahh"ed at by the rich and famous and sold for ridiculous amounts of money. The truth is that I could scribble something down and say that it is my illustrations and everyone will gather around and talk about the deeper meaning in it and it's strokes. But I don't want to have crappy work passed as art. I want to be good. Or at least, as good as possible. And I'm afraid of where to begin.

I'm very good at starting writing things. I have this idea in mind, this storyline that I get passionate about and so I take my ideas to pen and paper or the computer... but then I wear out. I simply just stop. I haven't finished a single full story. Short stories, sure. But even those, not many. I think that's what separates aspiring writers from actual writers. Finishing well.

Like I said before, I've actually taken up journaling again. I think that helps my word flow. The fact that I actually finished a journal is a big deal. Now, of course, it's hardly legible. No, seriously. I have awful handwriting. "Neat and complete work," my mom would always tell me, yet I never seemed to grasp that idea. I can write somewhat decently if I focus entirely on it, but I don't usually, And this is my regular handwriting. Don't get me started on cursive. I once heard this saying about cursive which amused me, "Writing in cursive is the equivalent to mumbling." It's very true. You read someone, anyone's cursive, and chances are that you won't be able to read all of it. It doesn't matter how beautiful their penmanship is.

I'm afraid I'm not a very neat person. I was filling out an application to work at Starbucks, and it's survey asked the same question in about ten different ways. It wanted to know if I was a neat worker, and not just some slob who was going to make extravagant coffee and leave a huge mess for everyone else to clean up. I wouldn't go as far to say that that's who I'd be while working there, but I am nowhere near immaculate. I try, especially at other people's homes or buisnesses or with their things, to be extra careful and neat, but my room is never going to be clean. I'd say I'm pretty respectful towards books, especially when they belong to others, but I wouldn't say I'm their best caretaker. One of my favorite things to do while reading is to eat a favorite snack such as something chocolatey, or some sort of chip or popcorn. This mean that I had fingerprints and smudges on certain pages of my own books. I tried being extra careful with library books, and of course, extra extra careful with friend's books, but I can't say they returned in as pristine condition as when they first reached my care.

It would also appear that I've inherited the lack of ability to summarize anything from my family. Whether it be an outline, my thoughts, or especially a story, it is very nearly impossible for me to give you the basic details.

It goes something like this:

The beginning, oh no, really, listen the beginning is quite worth it.....

The middle is just as important, don't leave, just hear me out...

Just wait till you hear the end! I'm almost done, promise.....

I wouldn't say I'm as bad aloud as other members of my family, but I may be the worst as far as rambling writing goes. My literature teacher wanted to know why, when summarizing The Odyssey, I was writing my own translation.

I'm not entirely sure why I decided to tell you all of this right now, except that I think that it might help you understand me a bit more. And hey, the more practice I put in, the better.

High School Retreat (or: Friends, God, and Big Bear, Oh My!)

It was interesting being a 19 year old high schooler at the Retreat. I mean, there were two 16 year old girls that were put in charge of the girls dormitory, so that was, humbling? I suppose.

It all worked out as my friend Alexandra and I got a separate room with a cool girl named Aishah.

The car ride up was fine, we stopped at a shopping center for lunch and I ate at McDonalds with a few friends and had a good time before we went on our journey up the mountain.

After helping unpack we got to just chill before our team helped make lasagna for dinner, and afterward we did worship and my friend Tyler spoke about what we were expecting to get out of the retreat. Then we had ministry and fellowship until the wee hours of the morning (Something that would happen every night of the retreat).

During the retreat we went to Big Bear Lake which was a first for me. I had never been to a lake before. It was beautiful, and felt pretty good. But basically it was a slimier, calmer, rockier, uninhabited version of the ocean.

Not that I got that wet. Up to my knees. (not really a swimmer) But I did ride in the back of a canoe and eventually learned how to paddle. Pro status. I was all up in that lake.

Okay, maybe I totally failed at it (So much so that my brother Jonathan at one point was yelling at me for not knowing what I was doing as were were trapped in the middle of the lake with a junior higher loudly voicing her complaints of being on his lap and with people who don't know what they are doing all the way back to shore. True story.)

We went hiking, another thing I totally "rocked" at. (Get it? rocked? Hiking? anyone? .... fine I sucked at that too.)

One of the most fun nights was after hiking when half of our group had got lost (true story) but made it back to the truck and we went out for pizza and then evangelized at a street corner in a little town up in Big Bear. The drive back was full of music and bubbling joy as we all shouted worship songs and stared at the stars with the wind whipping in our hair.

We had a boat day as well which was alright, the more water-sportsy people enjoyed it more. It was still a fun day at the end though.

Lots of games were played, lots of songs were sung, inside jokes were told, crushes were had, and closeness with eachother and God was obtained.

The car-ride back went smoothly, we stopped again and ate at McDonalds and had some more fellowship before going back down the mountain.

The Retreat was great. A lot of things did and didn't go wrong. Not everyone got along with eachother perfectly but there were no major fights or arguments and in the mostpart there were no disputes or harmful pranks. Not everything was perfectly planned but everyone obviously had a good time. To summarize: it was a really really fun camp. I love the mountains. I loved having two roommates and just chilling out.

I miss it already.

A lot.


Next stop? Redding/Northern California on Friday. 6th-16th. Just me and my family. Should be interesting...

It's been so long!

A family friend, David, is over right now and is watching stupid videos with my brothers in the living room so I decided to take the opportunity to come and write some more.


I've been going to both the high school and college groups at my church as I'm in that "in between stage" and so I'm going to High School "Retreat" in Big Bear tomorrow! I am super psyched. Like 25 kids and young adults are going to be squishing into one cabin so it should be interesting! Ahem.

I've been hanging out with friends, going to church a lot, crushing on a certain someone like mad, and just having a lazy but good summer.

The same day we go off to Big Bear my mom is being flown out to NYC to visit her sisters and celebrate her birthday. I am very happy for her but also insanely jealous. Although I'm sure camp will be just as fun... right?


We get back from Big Bear on the first of August and my mom gets back the next day and then my family and I go up to Northern CA for a sort of family vacation on the 6th to the 16th. (Also to celebrate my mom's bday which is the 15th) We'll be going to Redding but stopping in San Fransisco (woot-woot) and once in Redding we'll be see some of the Redwoods and my parents are going to be going to this school of ministry up at this major church called Bethel. My brothers and I will be able to see the campus and all but as we're not going to the conference/school we can just chill at the hotel or go sight seeing on our own. Apparently there's a water park near by. That should be fun... I've never been to a water park.

Okay... now they are watching weird as heck Japanese game shows. I am blasting music so I don't have to hear it. So freaking weird.

Well I guess that's all I really have to say for now. David's going with me to check out my college group tonight which should be interesting. I love college group. A lot. *cough*

Here it goes..

Well, I finally got my party pretty much figured out, and it looks like I have allot of help from my friends so that's cool. More on that later.

Tonight was driver's training again, and because of that I missed my friend's return from Turkey (see earlier post) Oh well, we'll see eachother eventually.

I'm kinda ticked about stuff right now, which isn't exactly a vacationing mood, I mean considering that we're going to San Diego tomorrow. Agh...oh well.. we have to get up like at 5 or something ridiculous like that because my parents had the idea for us to take a bus tour of San Diego sometime in the morning, so we have to be there in time.. Blech.

Oh well, I'll write more perhaps on Saturday when we come back to home base before going out again until Monday. *sigh*

-Lauren

Turkish Friends, and Vacations

Well, I got a message from my good friend Derin from Turkey today, (he's half Turkish, and lives here in SoCal most of the year but he and his parents go to Istanbul every summer) he's coming home on Wednesday! I'm excited to see him again, and his message was very entertaining and mentioned us and the rest of the gang hanging out the night of his return... sadly I have driving school that night, and I leave for my family's mini vacation of our own Thursday. :/ Sad day. We still don't know how long we'll be gone, could be anywhere from until Saturday to Monday. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with my family, and the idea of a mini vacation (to who knows where) sounds fun... but I live with my family 24/7, and I haven't seen Derin since June. :/

Oh well, I explained the whole situation to him and he said not to worry and that we'd see eachother eventually, which is true... but yeah, still bummed about not seeing him with the rest of the gang at either In-N-Out or Chipoltle (Two of his fav restaurants, neither that are available in Turkey) cause I know it'll be a fun time. I know what you're thinking, patience is a virtue, spend time with your family, don't feel sorry for yourself, and yadayadayada. :P I know, I know, I'll enjoy my trip as it is, and see Derin when I get back, happy? Besides, once he's back in the states we can text again ;)

-Lauren out-